On the verge of going crazy doing my strama paper. Will I ever get this right? I’m trying to put myself together and just look at things from an objective point of view. I’m not getting it right, I haven’t gotten it right even when I’ve been pouring out my hardwork, my time and almost every waking moment possible into this paper. Maybe “almost” is the operative word. That 5% of not thinking about it, that other 10% of delaying things, maybe that’s what’s wrong. And again, it’s me, that’s all me. Last night I finished another subject in grad school and this is the last thing I’m going to have to go through before I get that coveted title of having an MBA degree. Maybe I have to push myself a little more to really, truly want this so I don’t give up at any point. Yes, it’s so near but the challenge of getting there is the most difficult I have faced in my scholastic life. I have to let go of my pride thinking I already have a job, I’m stable enough, I know the stuff I’m made of. I have to let all those go and remember that I still have a long way to go, not just in terms of my career but more so of what I can do with my life. I have to believe and want it bad enough that I will go further lengths just to push and keep moving. I have to. I really have to. There’s no other option to begin with.
Some of the most compelling occasions for me to write my thoughts are during endings/ beginnings. I feel most creative, most expressive and maybe even most meaningful during times like today. And today I say adieu to my 20’s, the last ten years that rolled by before my eyes, sometimes in a hurried pace that I could hardly keep up and sometimes in a slow, boring rhythm that irritated the hell out of my little hyperactive self. If there’s anything wonderful I’m looking forward to about being the 3.0 version of myself, I think it’s because I’m older I will (or should anyway) look at things in a more mature, more understanding and intuitive way. I’ve gone through quite interesting experiences throughout my 20’s that it feels as though I’ve somehow earned grown-up points I can easily dispense. But who knows. In all honesty, I thought being in my late 20’s would be all that jazz but apparently sometimes, even to this very day I still feel like my 12 year old self or, okay, maybe 25. Whether that’s normal or odd, well, I’ll leave you to judge. Another thing I learned in my 20’s is nothing is ever guaranteed so it’s all about keeping up with what’s on your plate. When you think something’s for you or when you feel someone’s for you but things and life in general get in the way, it’s always the universe’s way of letting you know that you have to get up, move forward and just eat. Yep, to hear that from me seems like an understatement but what I mean here is that whole process of eating. At the risk of sounding like a total glutton, let me explain. Tasting something, savoring it, digesting it and taking it all in, both good and bad, isn’t that how we live? And it’s a wonderful realization because now there are more choices, more options to choose from even how to react or how to view things because everything is now backed up by some sort of wisdom and a whole lot of experience. Ah, the things I can’t fully explain intelligently, I can account for through food. Now that’s how I’d like to think of my 30’s, a big celebration, or maybe even an awesome revelation. Like anything of this earth, it isn’t gonna be perfect but in any case it’s just an amazing and essential life lesson, to have more compassion, to be more understanding and maybe even become more tolerant but always, always more grateful because at some point I can now see the bigger picture and it may not be all hearts and flowers but it’s beautiful just the way it is. Whew! That was a mouthful..er…handful. So let’s get it on, let the good times roll as I say a warm and loving hello to my dear 30’s. Yep, let’s do this!